Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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