It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
