I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
