I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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