i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
