Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
