Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
