Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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