I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
