I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
