I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
