it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
