just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize