Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
