david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
