you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The feeling are messing with the penis
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
