We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We have started to decorate penises.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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