Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
