Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
