We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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