you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
