I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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