I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
