she woke up with a sticky ear
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
