she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
a search helicopter?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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