I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
