I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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