I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
