i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
