she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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