I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
