the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
