I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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