I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
