I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
