cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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