Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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