There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
