Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
