so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
