i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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