You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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