i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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