I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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