I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
