Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
