Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
