you guys were way drunker than both of me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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