I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
