You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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