what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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