i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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