you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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