Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
