Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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