its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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