he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I AM VODKA MAN
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
