his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
