Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
