I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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