I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
