I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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