Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
