I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
