never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
