we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm passing your future prison.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
