Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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