I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think my mom watched the whole time
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
