WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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