Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
