i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
