k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
