thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
