Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
