I bet he comes in French.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
