oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
