i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
