what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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