Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
handjob tips. give me some.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize