Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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