I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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