I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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