Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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