If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
