I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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