best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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