Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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