Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
