dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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