I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
how drunk are you?
Several
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
