my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
