Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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