If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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