We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
