So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
