How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
