he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
