Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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