It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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