Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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