i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
