Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
