You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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