Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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