I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
