All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Please don't give away my fajitas
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