If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
