She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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