You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I touched a dick in church today
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
