the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
