Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
