Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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