woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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