Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
