I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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