Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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