So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
and you fell through a lawn chair
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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