Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
