your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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