life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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