why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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