the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
