break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
