sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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