He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
